Tuesday, January 8, 2013

مقدمة وفقط.!



منذ عامين ونيف وأنا لم أكتب كلمة واحدة في هذا المكان, ولم يقع لي قلم على ورقة.

عامان كاملان لم أضع فيهما قلما في محبرة.!
عامان ما رف لي لحن على وترٍ.!
عامان أعتق الكلمات.!



ولا زالت متوقفه كلماتي.

من فترة لأخرى أحاول أن أكتب تحت عنوان "المقدمة" .. ولا تأتي المقدمة.!

على رأس العام 2011 إشتريت دفتر وقلم لأبدأ .. ولم أبدأ.!
وعلى رأس العام 2012 إشتريت أيضاً دفتر وقلم ولم أستطع أن أبدأ.!

منذ بضعة أعوام إعتدت هذه العادة, أشتري دفتر وقلم لأكتب, ولكن تأتي نهاية العام دائما ومازال القلم ممتلئ بالحبر ولايزال الدفتر ممتلئ بالأوراق البيضاء.!

على رأس هذا العام 2013 لم تنقطع عادتي, إشتريت دفتر وقلم جديدين.

1 يناير فتحت المدونة وكتبت في العنوان "مقدمة", ومنذ ذلك الوقت لم أكتب, ولم أفتحها الا اليوم, وكأني كنت أريد فقط أن أحجز الأول من يناير للـ "مقدمة".

في عصر يوم الأثنين المواقق 7 يناير حملت الدفتر والقلم ونزلت من بيتي وأنا لا أدري هل ستطاوعني يدي على الكتابة أم لا.!

نزلت من بيتي وإذ بي أجد نفسي متوجهاً الى القهوة, هذه المرة إخترت أن أجلس في مكان غير الذي أعتدت الجلوس فيه على القهوة, لا أدري لماذا.!

وفتحت الدفتر وأمسكت القلم.!

إرتعشت يدي وبدت أحرفي مرتعشة.!

البرد قارس جداً .. مما زاد من رعشة يدي وقلمي وحروفي.!

أمسكت القلم .. وامسكت دمعا لا ادري لم فاجأني.!

لم أمسك بقلم من فترة طويلة جداً, كلما كتبت سطراً أنظر إليه مستغرباً وكأني أتعلم الكتابة من النشأ.!

هل هذا خطي.!

أحاول وأحاول .. وكأني بقلمي أحاول أن أضاجع الدفتر .. 

لا جديد ..

 كأني عِنََّين إكتشف حالته متأخراً وهو لا يدري أنه كذلك.!

ماذا سأكتب وماذا سأقول وماذا سأحكي.؟ .. لا أدري .. لا أدري هكذا كان يرد صدى الصوت الصامت بداخلي.!

مشاعر كثيرة وحكايا بداخلي لكنها مضطربة ومرتعشة وخائفه وتائها.!

توقف القلم هنا.!

وتنهد .....
         .......... 
             ..........


حتماً سأبدأ .. هكذا أريد .. ولكن.!




كتب في يوم الإثنين الموافق 7 يناير 2013
مقهى ليلتي بمدينة السادس من أكتوبر
الساعة 5.15 مساءا

نشر هنا في يوم الثلاثاء الموافق 8 يناير 2013
الساعة 6.20 مساءا

ولنا عودة ...

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

عودا احمدا

محمد قنديل said...

مدونين كتير و أنا منهم أصابهم الخرس التدويني

Anonymous said...

ان كانت هذه المقدمة.......فكيف سيكون مابين السطور.....رغم كل الاحداث والنجاحات والاخفاقات...لم تنسي يناير وموعدك مع الدفتر والقلم...والنصف ورقة.......والنصف ثورة........ونصف الانا الذي مازلنا علي ميعاد دوما معه

أحمد عتمان - Ahmed Etman said...

وحشتنا. و نحن معك منتظرون

Anonymous said...

.G.... اكتب تاني احنا مستنينك من زمان

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